dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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