just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
