you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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