We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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