Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my being single is dangerous.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
