I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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