shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
