I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
