Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
please come you make the beer taste better
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
