I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My cat gives me a boner
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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