Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
