never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
