I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
