Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
