since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
