No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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