you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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