did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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