I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
