I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
