you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
