Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
