so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
