What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
so much tequila, so little girl.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
