I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
