i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
