I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
