Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
