my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
