Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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