She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
