apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
