if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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