My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
