oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
