On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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