I don't usually arrange sex via text message
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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