So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize