So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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