I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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