I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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