So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
