Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
