I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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