At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
