Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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