I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
