I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
There's always time for handjobs
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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