After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
