woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
