We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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