He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
