her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
