Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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