If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
