Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
