His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
