my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
