There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
