there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So much rum. So many feels.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
