If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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