I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
