Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
