I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
