I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
