I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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