3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
how can u be prego again
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
