Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think your dad took our porno
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
