I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
