The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
