what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
